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Effusion

April 24, 2013
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At home with this strangeness…

 

 

You feel alone in this crowd

Nothing else to do but accept this animosity

At home with this strangeness, you are

If you’re gonna break, just break.

 

Let it break

There will be mistakes

If you fall, just fall

If you break, just break.

Just break

 

Nobody cares

All this drama

It passes them with the blink of an eye

Wallow.

If you must, be shallow

Nobody cares about your animosity

Nobody cares at all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Slowly Not Wandering Anymore

March 23, 2013

There is a line from a famous poem that remains stuck in my mind. Penned by William Wordsworth, the poem’s title is “Daffodils”, or as more of us might know, “I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud”. Out of a number of short and long poems introduced to us during English literature, Wordsworth’s line “I wandered lonely as a cloud” somehow remained in my consciousness. I find myself murmuring the line during my solitude as if it is some sort of mantra. The poem evokes finding bliss amid nature’s beauty yet what I feel when I recall the line is the literal meaning of drifting to nothingness. This line aptly describes my state when I am in deep thought, not knowing to which direction my mind will go, and to some degree, my life.

A few years back, I just felt I was a wanderer in my own terms. There was an attempt to give the term the same meaning that the word explorer has, but somehow it seemed farfetched.  The meandering became too familiar that eventually I picked up the word ‘wandering’ and adapted it to become my pseudonym.

Lately though, I feel the name has gotten old, unreflective of what I am now and of what I want to become. I do not wish to be walking aimlessly for the rest of my life. I want more focus, I want more discipline. I need direction and being a wanderer is a situation I do not want to get stuck in for the rest of my life.  I have stepped into the growth zone and I am continuously enjoying the lessons coming my way. I want more certainties. And I can only get them if I have a clearer vision of what I want to become, of where I want to go to.

Slowly, I am learning my path. I am no longer drifting aimlessly like driftwood, or a cloud, for that matter.

Brainfart

February 13, 2013

Boredom kills. You are at the edge of death as you stare at the computer monitor, trying to figure out what to do next. It forms a hollow in your soul, sucking your energy. It nags you. You start wracking your brains for a better idea. You MUST do SOMETHING. Something better than sitting there, becoming part of the tableau.  

“What to do? What to do?” You start chanting in your head, summoning the powers-that-be to inspire you to do something. It’s been ages since this last happened to you. It feels weird. It feels unnerving. It feels disgusting.

You want out. You want to get rid of this alien feeling in your system because you feel your body weaken as you continue to be static. Your brain cells deserve better. You must use them. Use them before this life pronounce you dead. 

2013 Challenge: Book that Trip to Literacy

January 13, 2013

I’ve missed reading books. I’ve missed discovering and re-discovering new and old titles. I’ve missed smelling the scent of the paper as I turn the pages of a book.

I want to go back to that old habit. I think I’ve wandered away too much that last year I just read a few books. This year, I want to add to my “must do” list to read at least one book every month. I actually started reading a classic (I have its paperback copy with me years ago, one of the few classics I bought from MV Dullos when it docked the Philippine shore. I haven’t read it since then although I managed to read one of the book’s companions last year.). So now I am hoping to finish and understand it amid the interruptions and the vocabulary challenge. Haha.

I’ve discovered Goodreads, too. Thanks to Targrod.

Here’s to a more literate 2013 then. Right.

Growing Up: Why 2012 was an Awesome Year

December 31, 2012

Growth (grth)

n. 1.      a. The process of growing.

            b. Full development; maturity.

     2.  Development from a lower or simpler to a higher or more complex form; evolution.

During one of our planning sessions last year (2011), my team agreed that we should come up with a word that would describe how we wanted 2012 to be all about. I chose the one above because I said I wanted to be more mature and to well, grow in all levels of my life.

Looking back at the last twelve months, I can say that the “process of growing” had been very good for me. 2012 had been all but full of blessings. Let me share some of this year’s highlights:

Firsts. This year, I’ve finally been to Palawan and Boracay! The Palawan trip was extra memorable because it was full of firsts (again)—first to try zip line, to swim/walk the biggest pool in the province, visit the Underground River, see my high school friend after years of no communication (he was part of the plane’s crew on our trip back to Manila) and first time to really visit a Mangrove forest (I think). Later in December, I was assigned to cover a story in Aklan where our first stop was no other than Boracay. Although we just stayed there for a few hours, it was still awesome to see the beach (and to be with a fast food chain mascot).

I also gave running a try this year. Yes, running. I didn’t know I could actually do it (although I’ve never had a hard time walking long distances) but I did! My first “official run” was the Sin tax Run last December 16. Running six kilometers was tiring but refreshing as well. I hope to run again soon.

2012 is also memorable because I’ve randomly met a boy in a park one afternoon I was contemplating on going straight home or on having a dinner with friends. His name was Renjiro and he’s almost six years old. There I was, sitting on one of the benches in a park in Makati, headphones on. And this boy came up to me and before I knew it I was having a conversation with him. Not merely talking, but conversing. And the sweetest part of it? Other people came by and tried to catch his attention but he remained by my side (his dad was seated nearby) and he even introduced me as his ‘friend’. I regret not having my friend take a photo of us. But I hope to see him again next year since he said he never miss watching the Symphony of Lights.

Career.  2012 had been very good to me. I am humbled and grateful to be part of a team that really supported me and my writing this year. I am still on the learning curve but I believe I’ve become more confident with my job. I love the fact that it has enabled me to go to places I’ve never been before (Palawan and Boracay, baby!) and got to interview interesting people. I am looking forward to honing my craft for more substantial stories this 2013.

Relationships. Goodbyes and hellos thrived in 2012. One of my closest friends at the office finally decided to shift careers and I was really saddened by her leaving (although I truly supported her move). But a farewell opens doors to new friendships and I was given two additional friends this year. The sad part is that just when we were just getting along so well, one of them had to leave again. It’s hard to keep the friendship alive outside the office especially if both parties have busy schedule. But the thing about this kind of relationship is that no matter how long you’ve been away from each other, once you get together, the spark is still there.

I am also thankful for my SMB group. These people have shown me how great it is to be alive and enjoy life amid all the b.s. it throws at you. They’ve been very supportive and for that I am blessed to have them in my life.

Health. Just like last year, the last quarter of 2012 had been quite challenging in terms of my health. Allergy bouts were common (it’s the weather and the pollution) but there came a time I thought (and my family and company nurse thought) my lungs are getting weak because I couldn’t recover from my cough. I was so happy to see my x-ray results clear but my doctor urged me to see another specialist to check my back. It turned out I have scoliosis. I was shocked of course (I guess it’s because of my bad posture and me having to carry heavy stuff like my bag) but was relieved to find out it’s not that serious. YET. All in all, I think I just need to further boost my immune system and try to remember I am not getting any younger.

Love. Ah, that four-letter word. The one I am looking for I have yet to find. But love in other forms abound and for that I am grateful. Just the same, I love 2012 for giving a whole lot of moments of “kilig”. I didn’t expect it to happen and that made it extra special. Hurray for Happiness!

Music. I am including music because, 2012 was a great year for new albums and yes, concerts. There were just so many good songs this year, not to mention a bunch of new artists (mainstream and otherwise). Also, I never imagined I’d be able to go to ten concerts this year! I know a lot of people would find it too outlandish to spend on concert tickets but I have come to terms with their opinions. As for me, music is one of the things that keep me sane. It is a balm that soothes the aching soul. It is one way to celebrate life. So yes, I spent on MAJORITY of those tickets. Some of course, were courtesy of good friends and luck (and I thank the stars for smiling down on me). Who would’ve thought Snow Patrol, The Fray, Keane, Vertical Horizon+Live (among others) would be here ?! It was a CRAZY year, I tell you. I will post my Best Concerts of 2012 soon.

Yes, 2012 was a great year for me. I am grateful for all the blessings, adventures and challenges. I bid this year farewell hoping to continue growing and sharing my life with more people as I learn to “receive” in 2013. Cheers!

More adventures for 2013! ;-)

More adventures for 2013! 😉

Just A Random Scream

October 23, 2012

I almost forgot how attractive Chris Carraba is. If you don’t know who he is, GMG (as in “Google Mo, Gets?” [I had to choose a less profane word]).

Anyway, like most of the songs I’ve grown to like in the past few years, I’ve learned to love them just by listening. I didn’t even bother doing the GMG—I didn’t check their videos or even visit their sites. Their melodies and lyrics were enough proof that they were worth the listen. So it’s always nice when I get the surprise of finding out soon that, hey, they’re actually cool. Okay, they’re eye-candy.

Case in point is Chris Carraba. When Dashboard Confessionals had their concert two years ago, I was shocked to see how good-looking Chris was. Add to this was the fact that he seemed knowledgeable (I found out he’s a teacher). He made sense, so to speak.  So my admiration for this guy grew leaps and bounds when I actually heard him and the rest of the band perform live in Manila. I got their album, even the acoustic editions.  I was hoping I’d be able to see him again during the Smash project (he came on his own, this time) but I didn’t. Surprisingly, I was able to deal with it, maybe because I’ve actually been to his concert before.

Just when I thought I’ve forgotten about him, an old music video would remind me again how this guy can take my breathe away (I know it’s too shallow). I just love his voice. And the way he looks at this video is really something for me. This is actually the first time I’ve seen this but the song is one of my favorite DC tracks. It’s a shame I don’t hear it on radio nowadays as the DJ who used to play this chose another career. I miss that DJ and his playlist, by the way.

So, here’s the video that inspired me tonight:

An Indie Film in the Indie Film Universe

September 16, 2012

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I am not an expert on films, more so on the indie kinds. I barely get to watch local films or catch the screening of alternative films. So what can I say about this Sigfreid Barros-Sanchez film that won this year’s  first Sineng Pambansa (National Film) Festival? For one, it’s long.  It took me about two hours (or more). It’s not for people who have weak attention span (or kidneys for that matter). It’s not perfect but it drives home a point. Make that, some points.

So was it really Ronnie Lazaro in the movie? Yes, that’s for sure. He was even present during the screening held recently at the SM Mall of Asia. Was it about him? Yes and no. Yes, because it’s him portraying himself and no, because it’s not about him. It’s about the film industry. It’s about making one’s own film in a world where either foreign or mainstream films always gets the upper hand.

Now there was my problem. A few scenes after the opening credits and you already get the plot—this bunch of guys wanted to produce a film from scratch. Ang Babae sa Septic Tank came to mind. I told you, I haven’t been watching a lot of films to warrant a very good comparison. Both movies wanted a specific actor to be the star of their films (Eugene Domingo and Lazaro, respectively). The difference was that in this movie though, was that the guys who wanted to do the indie film were really neophytes struggling to survive even their everyday lives (so just imagine how they could manage making a movie).

Noni Buencamino and the group of friends resorted to taking Ronnie Lazaro against his will when the latter turned them down (because according to him, he has his hands full of commitments. He was the most sought after actor to play indie roles). The story begins and so does, err,  the…waiting.

I was trying to entertain myself as Hesus (Raul Morit) was telling their story’s plot to Ronnie but it was hard. I was distracted by Hesus’ voice. As if he was reading his script and reading it poorly. Was it the intention of the film?

I like it that the film brought out the issue on injecting religion practices in Pinoy films. Case in point is the sahog of the pancit Lazaro must bring home to his ailing mother. Hesus’ version is a pansit with pork, much to the dismay of the Muslim character. Petty as it may seem, this only reflected the film maker’s dilemma on the subject of religion in movies.

There was a point in the film where I wanted to get up and leave. The slow phasing was really killing me. When will they finish the film? Will they be able to finish the film? What will happen to Joel Torre who, next to Lazaro, was considered the most sought after actor for indie films? Will he go to jail after being caught as the main suspect for kidnapping Lazaro? Will his Inasal business go bankrupt if that happens?  At least these questions made me remain in my seat.

The best (and redeeming part) of the film was the part where Lazaro willingly led the group in the pursuit of film making (after his heart-to-heart talk with the veteran tomador among the group) using what he called ‘their own stories.’ The group already threw the white towel and accepted the fact that they couldn’t do any indie film with their lack of experience, equipment and finances. But Lazaro cheered them on, making them realize that more than the technical and financial aspects, foremost in film making is the story you want your audience to know.

So how do you make a movie? Better yet, how do you make a Filipino movie for the world?

Just tell your story.

These stories need not to be as flamboyant as what we see in Hollywood, in fact, we don’t need to copy from other countries. Right here at home there are a lot of stories we can develop into films. One must just learn to believe that it is possible to tell the story. And even if you are far away, you can still tell your story. As Lazaro puts it, “Maaari nating punuin ng kwentong Pilipino ang buong sulok ng mundo dahil bawat sulok ng mundo ay may Pilipino (We can fill every corner of the world with our stories because in every corner of the world is a Filipino).”

It’s not the best indie film I’ve seen so far, but then again, I am not an expert on films.