I should have seen the warning signs. I should have shut my door and never stepped out of my solace. Yet I have my needs. I have my yearnings. I have my feelings.
So it happened. I have been tamed, not fully aware of the consequences I have to deal with when it will be over. I hate myself for this foolishness I feel. Yet what can I do? I have been tamed and have let myself get attached to the monotonous excitement of being alive.
Why am I sad all of a sudden? Why do I grieve?
If I have known this would happen, would I refuse thy offer? Maybe.
Days have turned to weeks. Weeks to months, months to years. Years? Has it been that long? It felt like yesterday.
Why am I doing this to myself? Will it help me cope with the writhing agony I feel?
Such foolishness, I must stop this. I am overreacting.
Or am I?
Tell me it’s just a fleeting thought. Tell me this is all but blunder. I think I can accept a lie. Allow me to wallow in my mirage.
Deep down, I know. I have to let it go. Someone will have to endure the hallow feeling of being alone again. Someone will have to endure the presence of everything while being so empty within.
That someone is me. I am the casualty.
14 June 2012